Many married people are reluctant to face their partner’s pre-marital secrets, such as something about their exes and their love affairs. But if one day we accidentally discover them, how should we face it?
Unfortunately, I once discovered my wife’s secrets by accident. But luckily I had the Lord’s guidance, so that I managed my relationship with my wife well.
I had been married with my wife for three years. I worked to earn money and support our family and my wife stayed at home to take care of our child and run household affairs. When I returned home from work, she would bring on delicious food. Although we occasionally quarreled over household chores, our relationship quickly became just as good as it had ever been. Though we lived a plain life, we were always happy. I was totally content.
One day, I happened to come across my wife’s diary and discovered her secrets, which I as a man was unwilling to accept.
My wife wrote that before marriage when she worked at KTV, in order to increase her performance and earn more money, she wined and dined the clients and even slept with them. After marriage, she was always cautious before me for fear that I would find out her shameful past. …
Reading this, I was shocked and got short of breath. I felt I could not suppress the anger in my heart and would explode into a fit of hot-blooded rage at any time. I thought of how when I just met my wife, she told me she only wined and dined the clients and had to play a role when working at KTV. But I never imagined …
Anger, pain, and feeling of being humiliated welled up in my heart and I was so angry that I really wanted to argue with my wife face to face. I thought, “I’m so good to you, yet you have lied to me. If I had known that you’re that type of person, I would never have married you!” The more I thought about it the angrier I became, and in my heart I even had the idea of divorcing her. I absolutely could not forgive her.
At that time, I poured blame on my wife and I was very afraid that I would do something stupid in my anger, so I hurriedly prayed to the Lord, asking Him to protect my heart so that I would not do something unreasonable in a fit of temper.
After prayer, enduring my pain, I opened the Bible and saw John 8:3–11 that said, “And the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the middle, They say to Him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what say You? This they said, tempting Him, that they might have to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down, and with His finger wrote on the ground, as though He heard them not. So when they continued asking Him, He lifted up Himself, and said to them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again He stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the oldest, even to the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the middle. When Jesus had lifted up Himself, and saw none but the woman, He said to her, Woman, where are those your accusers? has no man condemned you? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said to her, Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more.”
Reading up to here, I was moved by the Lord’s tender love and felt much calmer. Then I thought, “Although the promiscuous married woman was sinful, which one of the people who wanted to stone her was not sinful? Just like my wife, I’m a sinner who has been corrupted by Satan and I often commit sins. Without the Lord’s protection, I have no way to ensure that I won’t commit sins when I have a suitable environment and the right conditions where somebody entices me or someone throws herself at me. So I’m unqualified to scold her, much less should I want to take my frustrations out on divorce.”
I thought about that very carefully. Although my wife has done wrong, Satan’s corruption is the main culprit. Nowadays, every corner of the society is flooded with views like “Money makes the world go round,” “It doesn’t matter whether a cat is white or black, as long as it catches mice,” “Despising poverty but not prostitution.” Many people take them as their mottos and believe that the best possible thing to do in this society is to have money. In order to make money, they are capable of anything and even sell their own bodies and souls. My wife is also one of the victims. If I did not believe in God nor had God’s protection, I might also become mired in sins if I work in that kind of environment. Actually, what I should hate are Satan and the evil trends.
Following that, these words from the Lord Jesus came to mind, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14–15). I then understood the Lord’s will. As Christians, we should have a forgiving heart and could not seize upon others’ transgressions relentlessly, for only in this way could we glorify God and benefit others.
I thought of how my wife had never done something like that again during these three years when she lived with me. Instead, she dutifully spent her days with me, treated me genuinely, and sacrificed for our family. Moreover, I could see her repentance from her diary. Since she had changed, I should learn to let go of her past and forgive her. If I argued with her, that was equivalent to rubbing salt in her wound and would further hurt her. Also, our relationship would fall apart and both sides would suffer. If we divorced because of this thing, we both would live in pain and our child would lose an intact family.
After understanding the Lord’s will, I felt relieved and then put my wife’s diary back where it had been. At that moment, I could not help but thank the Lord for His guidance. The Lord’s words are the lamp to my feet, and the light to my path. They soothed my anger and kept my family from breaking up.
When I saw my wife that evening, my mind was quite calm and I chatted and laughed with her like before. I knew that the reason I could put myself aside and did not argue with her was because of the effect achieved by practicing the Lord’s words. I gave my heartfelt thanks and praise to the Lord. Amen!