By Liu Qing
I’m an ordinary housewife. My husband’s family disdained me because I was jobless and not well-educated. My husband also ridiculed me and called me a bumpkin. Hence, I resolved: I must find a job, make a lot of money and never be belittled by them again. Later, I joined an insurance company by chance to sell insurance. Because I worked hard, my clients were getting more and more and my sales performance was also getting better. I gained recognition from my leaders and they had a very high regard for my abilities. Over the span of 3 months, first I got promoted to director and then to manager. My colleagues all cast envious and high-looking gaze at me. Even my family and relatives who once had looked down on me also treated me with admiration and enthusiasm. I retrieved my confidence and dignity from their eyes, and I could finally be proud and elated in front of them.
One day, my neighbor spread the Lord Jesus’ gospel to me and asked me to believe in the Lord. I thought: Believing in the Lord is good, but I’m too busy at work and don’t have enough time. However, thinking that if I rejected her good intention, I would lose the opportunity to sell insurance to her kid. Clients were the most important for my job, so I must maintain a good relationship with my neighbors. Moreover, recently my job did not go very smoothly. Maybe if I believe in Lord Jesus, He will bless me to find more clients and make more money. So I agreed with my neighbor. Afterward, my neighbor brought me to gatherings. As I saw many brothers and sisters, I started to plan how to get closer to them and see which one of them was suitable to be my referral. Every time I chatted with them, I tried to indirectly get to know their economic situation. When I figured out their economic situation, I would find a chance to recommend insurance to them. However, none of them cared about it and they were not willing to come to my company. Seeing no hope of making money here, I thought: I would rather use the time for gathering to find more clients and make more money. With that in mind, I often skipped gatherings. Afterward, I didn’t even bother to turn up but focused fully on my business. However, unexpected things happened …
A few months later, a colleague told me a hospital was having an event for free check-ups and asked me to do it. Under the colleague’s persuasion, I went to the hospital. After undergoing ultrasound, the doctor said: “Your gynecological disease is quite serious. There are so many extra blood vessels in your womb. The consequence will be severe once the blood vessels are broken. Aren’t you aware? We will give you a check-up first to see the result. If the result is negative, you will be fine, but if it’s positive, you have to go to major hospitals for treatments.” I did not pay much attention to the doctor’s words, because I felt it was not a big deal. So I only left my number and still ran my business from dawn to dusk.
A few days later, the results came out. Unexpectedly, I was diagnosed with terminal cervical cancer. I was astonished: How is it possible? How can this happen to me?! I am doomed! I must be dead, but I’m only 54 years old. Why do I have to face death so soon? … I didn’t dare to think further. At that time, despair and fear welled up in my heart. I felt so helpless and lonely as if I fell into the abyss.
During hospitalization, my relatives, friends, colleagues and leaders all came to visit me and comfort me one after another. Facing them, I pretended to be strong, but right after they left, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. I was afraid I would never see them again in the future. At that moment, I realized how fragile our lives were. I had been busy everyday for business and money, but when I was suffering with cancer, could my career and money save me? As I was in pain and misery, I suddenly recalled Lord Jesus’ words I had read during gatherings: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Mark 8:36-37). It was true. I worked so hard and as a result, I had money; others looked highly of and envied me, but when I had cancer, all these things couldn’t save my life! Thinking of this, I was extremely remorseful. I repented before the Lord: “O Lord, I could only blame myself for not going to gatherings and not cherishing Your salvation, so I get into such a situation. Lord, I know I’m wrong. If I can be still alive, I will definitely cherish my life and be a good believer in You; If I’m dead, I won’t complain. I’m willing to have You to guide me and give me courage to face the reality….” I prayed and appealed to Lord Jesus unceasingly in my heart. Unwittingly, I felt much more assured in my heart, without fear and panic.
Soon afterwards, the doctor gave me an operation. I awoke very soon after the operation. At that time, I prayed to the Lord continuously in my heart and did not dare to leave Him for a second. After three days, the doctor said my wound healed very fast and I was discharged seven days later. After ten days, I went back to the hospital for chemotherapy. When I saw that those patients couldn’t stop vomiting because of chemotherapy; surprisingly, I did not have a huge reaction, instead I slept peacefully, I knew it was the Lord Jesus’ care and protection and my heart became closer to the Lord. In the day when no one talked to me, I would pray to the Lord and sing hymns. At night, I would close the curtains and read the Bible on the bed. During that period of time, I felt I had an intimate relationship with God, and that the Lord was by my side at all times; He used His words to help and encourage me, so that I did not feel pessimistic and irritable, rather I had faith to cooperate with the doctor. I also regretted not to believe in the Lord and seek the truth properly but to make money in the first place. Today, although I was diagnosed with cancer, the Lord Jesus did not leave me and still protected me. In my heart, I felt the Lord is lovable and amiable and I felt ashamed before the Lord more and more. I thought: If I’m cured, I will definitely make an effort to believe in the Lord in the future to repay His love.
After a period of time, the doctor asked me to go oncology department for radiotherapy. Over there, it was like a living hell, horrible to look at: A breast cancer patient’s arm was very swollen because cancer cells had spread to her arm, she couldn’t even lift up the bowl; a brain cancer patient’s head was swollen and his facial features has deformed; another patient with uterine cancer was as skinny as skeletons, looked very horrifying…. All kinds of cancer patients were living in the same block, and mournful cries could be heard anytime. Everyday there were people hospitalizing and people dying one after another. Shortly afterwards, a few patients who had undergone radiotherapy with me all passed away. Hearing these bad news, I was so afraid and did not know when death would come to me. At that moment, an inexplicable sense of fear welled up in my heart. Feeling helpless, I quickly prayed to the Lord: “O Lord, these patients all left. I’m so afraid. I do not know when I will die, but I know my life and death are determined by You. I’m willing to give myself to Your mercy. May You keep my heart.” Afterward, I recalled a story in the Bible: Lazarus was dead for four days and his corpse already stunk. However, the Lord Jesus said a word and then Lazarus came out of the tomb. This made me know the Lord has the authority and power to resurrect a dead man. Then I recalled what the Lord Jesus said: “If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes” (Mark 9:23). “And all things, whatever you shall ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive” (Matthew 21:22). Lord’s words gave me great faith and power, also made me believe all things are in the Lord’s hands! Whether the cancer cells in my body spread or not, or spread to any extent were all in His hands. I entrusted everything to Him and was willing to give myself to the mercy of Him. With His words in my heart, I was no longer afraid and did not focus on my illness anymore.
After several courses of radiotherapy, my cancer cells were under control and slowly I recovered. Doctors and acquaintances all praised my good mentality and were surprised at how fast I recovered. I knew all of these were under the Lord’s care and protection. It’s He who gave me a second life. Recalling how I used to fight for my dignity in front of my family and in order not to let them belittle me, I lived based on the philosophy of life “Money above all,” “Stand out among others,” etc. However, I have never once truly believed in God. I only wanted to make more money. I thought once I had money, others would think highly of me, appreciate me and I would live with character and dignity. Nevertheless, when I was diagnosed with terminal illness, I realized all the things I had pursued could only bring me temporary enjoyment and comfort. But after that I still felt empty. They couldn’t prolong my life or alleviate the pain caused by my illness, much less could they bring consolation to my heart and soul. It was just like Solomon’s true portrayal: “Then I looked on all the works that my hands had worked, and on the labor that I had labored to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun.” Lord Jesus said: “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me” (Jhn 14:6). Only the Lord is the truth, the way and the life. He is worth my pursue and love!
Although I did not truly believe in the Lord Jesus, He still bestowed great mercy upon me. When I was utterly helpless and desperate, the Lord’s warm and strong hands reached out to me and pulled me back from the brink of death. The Lord allowed me to return before Him and enjoy the warmth of His love and abundant provision. I really thank the Lord for His great grace!
Back at home, I couldn’t wait to go to the church and have gatherings with brothers and sisters again. I was truly delighted. I resolved in my heart: In the future, no matter what I encounter, I must believe in the Lord properly, seek the truth and spread His gospel to repay His love for me!