A Good Way to Resolve the Conflict

Because of a change in my work, I moved to a new office and met a new colleague, Lili. As we gradually became familiar with each other, we began to talk about everything together, such as our work, life, and family. Gradually our relationship grew closer and closer. In the blink of an eye, half a year had passed. But one day, something unexpected happened …

That day, Lili asked me to help modify her document. I found its subject was unclear and that its content was not innovative, so I gave her some advice. Unexpectedly, she didn’t take it, but rather said, “I wrote it by my years of work experience. You should carefully read and think more about the parts you didn’t understand. Don’t repudiate my idea before figuring it out. This really dented my confidence.” Upon hearing her words, I felt really upset, thinking, “You asked me to modify your document. Now I gave you my advice, yet you rejected it, and even asked me to think about your document carefully. How could you be so unreasonable?” Because of this matter, I formed a poor opinion of Lili, thinking that she couldn’t accept others’ advice. So since then, I didn’t want to open my heart to her anymore.

After a period of time, again Lili turned to me for advice on her document. Thinking of the unpleasant experience last time, I really didn’t want to help her, but for the sake of saving face, I still agreed. After reading her document, I told her my opinions about it, “If you write it according to the market demand, it will be convincing.” Hearing my words, Lili replied unhappily, “I did write the document according to the market demand. How could it not be convincing?” Her words were distasteful to me. Thinking that she was so self-righteous, I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. As our opinions were not aligned with each other, we couldn’t reach agreement and finally we ended this unpleasant talk in embarrassment.

After coming home from work, I sat alone on the sofa. When I recalled the scene when I was in conflict with Lili, especially the tone Lili spoke in, my heart became awfully choked. Since we worked in the same office, we couldn’t avoid meeting and talking with each other, yet I really didn’t know how to get along with her in the future. Haunted by this trouble, I couldn’t fall asleep at night. In distress, I prayed to God for a way out, “Oh God! I’m in conflict with my colleague because of disagreement. I’m so distressed. Oh God! Please lead and guide me.”

After prayer, I felt a bit calmer and realized that I was prejudiced toward Lili, which didn’t fit with the Lord’s will. The Lord Jesus said: “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is none other commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31). The Lord taught us to love others as ourselves, have tolerance, and learn to forgive others. The words of the Lord showed me a path to practice: To get along with others, we should have love, patience, and tolerance toward others. If we always argue over trivial matters, we won’t work alongside others. I also thought of how the Lord didn’t despise us but forgave and had mercy on us when we did things not in line with His will. At this thought, I decided to follow the example of the Lord Jesus and resolve the conflict between Lili and me with love.

Later, I saw such words of the Lord Jesus: “And why behold you the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). Seeing these words, I reflected on myself, “I always fixated my eyes on Lili but never knew myself. When I gave her advice, I wanted her to take it; but when she didn’t, I was prejudiced toward her. Everyone is free to choose; I am in no position to force others to listen to me. I’m too arrogant.” When I thought carefully, I realized that Lili had expended a lot of time and efforts on her document. So, she must be very unhappy when I repudiated it. It was understandable for her to treat me that way, for I was not considerate toward her.

The next day, I took the initiative to talk with Lili, during which I apologized to her for causing her harm and admitted that I had no love for her before. After hearing my words, she generously forgave me and at that time, I felt relieved. Then I asked her to point out my shortcomings. Not expecting I would say that, she said, much affected, “Actually it’s not all your fault; I’m also wrong. I shouldn’t have stuck to my opinions. From now on, let’s help each other.” Hearing this, I nodded, and we both smiled.

Thank the Lord! It was from the Lord’s word that I found a good way to resolve our conflict and it was the Lord that helped us form an everlasting friendship.

By Shiyi

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