Everyone says that the difficulties in the interactions between sisters-in-law are not less than those between mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law. Sisters-in-law frequently argue with each other, and not a few of them make enemies. What should I do when my sister-in-law backbit to wrong me? In my seeking, I found a path of practice.
My husband and I ran a shop selling braised pork. Ordinarily, my husband’s younger sister wasn’t busy and after getting off work she would come to our shop to help out. But recently she hadn’t been here for more than ten days, so I felt a little puzzled: What has she been up to? Why hasn’t she been here for so many days? During that period, my husband called her a few times to ask her to come for dinner, but every time she declined on the pretext of being busy with work. Until one day, my husband bought more vegetables when stocking goods and prepared to ask her to come for spicy food which she usually liked. That noon, when my husband once again called her, she finally agreed this time.
What I Should Do When My Sister-in-Law Badmouthed Me Behind My Back to Wrong Me
When I returned from getting the rice in our kitchen, I heard my husband and our younger sister muttering. Curiously, again and again I asked them, and my husband finally told me, “Do you know why our younger sister hasn’t been here these ten days or so? It’s because my elder brother’s wife told her that you were fed up with her because she always came to our shop. And she also said that our younger sister was not sensible and asked her to stop coming to our shop but just concentrate on her work.”
After hearing this, I felt a rush of rage and I was so frustrated tears pooled up in my eyes. I thought, “No wonder our younger sister didn’t come. It turns out that my sister-in-law’s mischief is behind it. How could she say such a thing? How will our younger sister see me? It really has injured my self-respect.” Then I retorted, “When was I fed up with our younger sister? No, I must call up our sister-in-law to explain that to us. How could she wrong me like this? It’s really sheer fabrication!” After our younger sister heard this, she quickly said, “It was because I was afraid that you would be angry that I didn’t want to tell you.” My husband also said, “If I had known this earlier, I wouldn’t have told you just now.” I held back my grievances and began to be absorbed in eating.
After lunch, thinking of my sister-in-law’s words made me agitated again and so I said to my husband, “Isn’t the reason why our sister-in-law purposefully said bad things about me in front of our younger sister to embarrass me because she was envious when seeing that our younger sister only came to help us? In the past, she belittled me in everything she said, causing me to be embarrassed again and again….” The more I spoke, the angrier I got, and in the end I felt so wronged that I burst into tears. Seeing me like this, my husband kept trying to comfort me, but I still felt great pain in my heart.
The Lord’s Words Resolved the Pain in My Heart
Just at that time, I remembered that I was a believer in the Lord, and I knelt and said a prayer to Him, “O Lord, now I’m in great pain. When hearing that my sister-in-law said bad things about me behind my back to wrong me, I think this causes me to lose face and want to confront her. O Lord, I feel very angry and wronged. I don’t know what to do to be in line with Your will. I ask You to guide me.”
After I prayed, these words from the Lord Jesus came to mind, “I will have mercy, and not sacrifice” (Matthew 9:13). Pondering these words, I thought about how the Lord Jesus was full of forgiveness, tolerance and patience toward sinners. In order to redeem mankind, He was willing to be crucified, shed His blood and give His life. The Lord’s heart is extremely kind! Thinking back on when I learnt that my sister-in-law wronged me, I was full of anger and hatred, feeling that it injured my self-respect. And when I was reminded of the various behaviors she had exhibited while despising me, I became even more disgruntled, so much so that I was dying to have it out with her. Even if our two families cut off contact in the future, I must have her explain that clearly in order to save face. Through my reflections, I saw that I did not exhibit any tolerance or patience toward her and that what I was living out was devoid of the likeness of a believer. I thought of how the Lord taught us to be humble, to fear God and shun evil, and to be forgiving and patient with others when encountering things. But I did not act according to the Lord’s words, so how could I not be fooled and harmed by Satan? In remorse, I prayed silently to the Lord in my heart, “O Lord, I can’t live like this. Now that I believe in You, I must live out the manner Christians should have to satisfy You.”
Afterward, I thought of the fact that my sister-in-law was also a person corrupted by Satan, and she did not believe in the Lord nor knew His demands, so she unwillingly fabricated something out of nothing in order to accomplish her own purpose. Moreover, the Lord allowing her to say this was to change me and enable me to become someone with humanity and reason according to the Lord’s words. After understanding the Lord’s will, I was no longer angry and did not resent her as much as I used to. I prayed to the Lord to express my desire to relinquish my self-regard, obey His arrangements in all things, and practice His words.
Living Out the Lord’s Words to Glorify the Lord
After I went to our shop that afternoon, I was always happily busy. Seeing me not angry, my husband asked me, “At noon you said you would reason with our sister-in-law. How come it’s all right now?” I replied, “I thought of the Lord’s teachings and knew that behaving that way isn’t right. If I argue with our sister-in-law over my own benefit, it’ll cause our family discord. So I cannot do that.” After my husband heard this, his worrying heart finally relaxed and a smile appeared on his face.
The next afternoon, when I, at the shop door, saw my sister-in-law coming in my direction from afar by her electric bicycle, I could not help but remember those awful things she said about me, and I felt pent-up again and did not want to see her. Just then, these words from the Lord Jesus came to mind, “I will have mercy, and not sacrifice” (Matthew 9:13). Yes. The Lord was full of mercy for human beings; I cannot rely on my corrupt disposition to do things, but should tolerate and forgive others, for only in this way can I be accepted by the Lord. As I thought through this, the resentment in my heart was instantly removed a lot and I felt relaxed. Then I said to my sister-in-law, smiling, “You’re off duty?” She also smiled and nodded to me.
When I was willing to put myself aside and proactively greeted my sister-in-law, my heart felt greatly released. From this I realized that only by frequently practicing the Lord’s words and by seeing things according to them can we calmly face trivialities in our lives, have peace and joy in our hearts, and live a life of ease and release. Thank the Lord!